Trump Says Chicago’s Up Next For His Fake Crime Crackdown

“Chicago’s a mess. You have an incompetent mayor, grossly incompetent. And, we’ll straighten that one out probably next. That’ll be our next one after [Washington, D.C.],” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office.

Speaking in front of a FIFA World Cup trophy that may or may not be stolen, Trump claimed that “the people in Chicago … are screaming for us to come” and that “they’re wearing red hats … African American ladies, beautiful ladies, they’re saying, ‘Please, President Trump, come to Chicago. Please.’”

A servile Vice President JD Vance butted in: “Yes they are, sir.”

“I did great with the Black vote, as you know,” Trump continued, “and they want something to happen, so I think Chicago will be our next, and then we’ll help with New York.”

It’s unclear how Trump might deploy National Guard troops to Chicago. The president has greater leeway to federalize officers in D.C. because it isn’t a state; in Illinois, he’d have to contend with Democratic Gov. JB Pritzker, who’s no fan of Trump.

Trump, himself a convicted criminal, deployed National Guard troops to the nation’s capital earlier this month after falsely claiming crime there was “totally out of control.”

Big Balls’ experience aside, the crime rate in the District of Columbia has actually been falling for two years and is now as low as it has been in decades.

Asked how long he intends to have federal troops milling about the nation’s capital, Trump on Friday ominously claimed they never have to leave.

He later added, “If I have a national emergency, I can keep the troops there as long as I want.”