Antoinette-Marie Williams gave Emmett Daniels a run for his money when they first met over a game of chess two years ago. It has begun to lead two eagerly waiting for the presence of the other, so that they can be partners and play again.
“The first day we played, we were fired up,” he told us when we hopped on Zoom with Daniels, who we hadn’t seen in months. “I’m a good opponent for him. I don’t think he expected it.”
Daniels grinned, nodding. “Our chess game is very well matched,” he said.
Williams, 76, and Daniels, 17, met when Daniels joined the DOROT program in high school, a New York organization that fosters intergenerational support groups by pairing older students with younger students for a variety of activities from games and affinity groups to music events . It serves more than 4,000 seniors each year, many of whom are homeless, living alone, or in need of connection, according to the organization’s website.
Williams and Daniels began to come together through many chess games, and more importantly for both of them, a good conversation outside the door of the program.
Watching the two interact on camera makes you quickly forget the dynamics of age and baseless assumptions that people of different generations have little in common or that elders are the only teachers in this natural relationship.
Before I started the interview, Daniels eagerly jumped into the conversation to share with Williams that I had been accepted into college. Williams beamed with joy and carried on his congratulations. “I know you can do it.”
The topic quickly changed, and Daniels said he recently saw a video of Williams’ skydiving trip.
“I’m doing it again next summer. You can come with me… You know how the dog hangs out of the car with the air blowing? It’s like I feel, and it’s like, oh my God, just seeing the world, just being out there in the open 14,500 feet and We all laugh at the vivid images and admire Williams’ fearlessness—and how he says adventure has no age limit.
DOROT, which was launched in 1976 and translates to “generation” in Hebrew, aims to combat social isolation, and more directly, the epidemic of loneliness in the elderly. The organization’s intergenerational program pairs high school students with adults 65 and older for both virtual and in-person weekly programs at a New York location.
Loneliness is a public health problem
Loneliness and social isolation pose public health risks, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). About one in four seniors over the age of 65 are socially isolated, reports the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. Social isolation increases the risk of heart disease and early death. It is also associated with a 50% increased risk of dementia. LGBTQ+ people and immigrants experience loneliness at higher rates, according to research.
“As a family physician and primary care physician, but more so as a son, and nephew, caregiver, and loved one for those in my family and community, it is very clear that I am alone driving a lot of grief and illness,” Dr. Neil Patel, a primary care physician and chief health officer at Patina, which works to provide health care for people over 65 years of age. fortune. The pandemic has increased the loneliness that seniors already face.
Losing loved ones, experiencing health changes and moving into more cramped quarters can cause older adults to feel socially isolated at higher rates than their younger peers.
“We want old people, with dignity [and] with confidence in the way they want to be,” says Patel, who encourages seniors to look at their strengths and ask what is most important to them as they age.
She says people can mistake older people for caring most about their pain and health status, but Patel often finds in her work that maintaining meaningful social relationships can bring pride and joy to an older person’s life. It’s no surprise that Williams and Daniels meshed seamlessly in the game of chess, and found a deeper connection.
It was a connection that they both craved.
“Emmett is like my son. We talk about anything and everything. We talk about what’s going on in his life, and I benefit from the fact that young people do not interact with parents – only parents and teachers, and usually yes or no,” said Williams . “He really opened his heart and let me in.”
Loneliness isn’t just a problem for parents
Daniels feels the same way. The hustle and bustle of school, and the pressure to do well especially during the college application process is overwhelming, she said. In many ways, Williams provides a helpful supporter outside of the chaos, as someone with years of experience under his belt to offer advice, and as a true friend. He compares the time together to what he feels on Shabbat, the day of rest in Judaism, which is a time to relax and honor family. Williams made him feel that way.
“Talking to Antoinette… It’s a breath of fresh air. I can just have a normal conversation and talk about what interests me or what I want,” he said. “It just felt like a perfect disconnect and a perfect recharge.”
Experts say that older people should have unique ways to integrate into society beyond the resources created only for the elderly.
“It is clear that we need to prepare for an increase in the support network in the future for this group of people,” said Stephen J. Shaw, data scientist, and documentary from Birthgap – A World Without Children, who studies loneliness around the world, calling the reality a global humanitarian crisis. “Simply placing people in a nursing home may not be the best answer to providing that support. We need to see a more integrative society where we share a shared responsibility to care for the elderly, whether they have children or not.
Before we hung up, Daniels remembered one more story I wanted to tell.
He remembers the last chess game the program offered and how he couldn’t go. He then rescheduled and made it up to Williams. As he did, Williams said he told her several repetitions, “You made my day, you made my month, you made my year,” he said.
“It made me feel like I was beyond the program, and that it meant something, and that they appreciated it as much as I did.” His whole family knows the word, he said.
Williams fondly remembers the same moment.
“I was sad when he couldn’t come on the last day for us to share chess and chat,” he said.
“And I made it,” Daniels added. Whether it’s through a winter skydiving trip or a casual game of chess at a coffee shop, Williams and Daniels show that intergenerational friendships are not only possible but an important part of keeping people connected as they age.