We are back for the season opener The Real Housewives of New Jersey! The greasy road to Teresa and Louie’s wedding will be slippery and treacherous. Come find out and meet the new Danielle and Rachel!
Jennifer has been injured while stumbling drunk attend Teresa’s 50Th birthday weekend. He thinks he has an evil eye and is suspicious of Dolores whom he believes is very jealous. Jennifer even had her Ferrari stolen when she was home. He is now closer to Melissa than Dolores. Jennifer even had her mother perform a Turkish ceremony to remove the evil eye to no avail.
Melissa planning an 80s theme skating party for the kickoff to Memorial Day weekend. He thinks that Teresa didn’t choose him to be part of her wedding party. Teresa has now invited them to her birthday party, but they haven’t spoken since the Reunion. Melissa tells Joe why she still wants to take Teresa to the skating party “I don’t want to leave anyone out.” Joe then warns him, “You’re left out.” Melissa even pretends to be magnanimous about thin by her writing and let him know that it is “looking” for her not at the wedding party. Note: Teresa and Melissa will never learn to live together because Melissa took her sister away from her. He does not like Melissa who is younger and suffers from development along with her brother.
Dolores will introduce us this season to the Irishman Paul. Frank is still struggling with Dolores having someone new. Paul can’t make it to the whole skating party because he has COVID. She doesn’t want to play nice with Frank and wants Dolores herself. Dolores doesn’t understand why her man can’t be together, but she won’t let a man make her a priority. Frank asks Dolores if she and Jennifer made a mistake. He tells Frank that he could care less if Jennifer is upset with him and considers him to be Mrs.
Teresa celebrates 50Th birthday with Louie’s family. He is as arrogant as usual thinking he doesn’t look 50. Louie says Joe’s insecurities are screaming. Joe sends flowers for Teresa’s birthday – at least in the trash like cookie sprinkles. Teresa, in her ITM, looks like cooking spray and is a very good friend in Tulum.
We have arrived at the skating rink party. Wow Frank finally brought his super young girlfriend Brittney around so we know she’s there. Teresa, with her chomping gum, and Louie do the whole fake Jersey salute. He didn’t understand why Melissa wasn’t talking to him. Teresa admits that she is unforgiving, and she asks for help. Margaret and Teresa will face each other after the Reunion for the first time as well. He said he was having the time of his life skating and then he hit the ground and I swear it sounded like a sloshing and splat on impact!
We met Danielle who is Teresa’s friend and I am not surprised that she is friends with him. Jennifer ignores Dolores as she curses him. Jackie looks good not sure why he is no longer a fulltime castmate. We met Rachel who is friends with Melissa. In the preview for the season, Marge tells Rachel that she looks like a Tim Burton character and I see a resemblance to Sally. The nightmare before Christmas!
Frank wants to know if Joe is going to make good with Teresa. Dolores believes without her parents Joe and Teresa might not have made the mistake. Jennifer F. who is Marge’s friend tries to encourage Teresa to talk to Margaret. Teresa invites Marge and Joe B. to come. Marge is a little scared about this new Tre. Dolores invites women and men to take a sexy calendar for her charity.
Danielle introduced us to Valentina’s son and Dominic’s son. She claims that she is a perfectionist with her children. Danielle has a handsome husband named Nate and she will fit in well with other men. They act extra and I don’t know if I like having so many new cast members.
Margaret and Joe are talking about going to Teresa’s house. Teresa expects an apology from Margaret and Marge expects it too. Margaret broke her arm and poor Joe B. had to bathe her. Joe B. has done some work on his eyes, but I don’t think he can unsee his naked wife. He was thankful he didn’t have to wipe him and see that he was bruised behind.
Teresa inquire Margaret if he thinks he knows the real Teresa. Margaret tells Teresa that she is going crazy and became Tre-Kong last season stomping through Jersey. Louie shuts Teresa up (I’m secretly glad – at least someone can shut that yapper up) and tells her to shut up and listen to Margaret. Teresa says she no longer holds grudges and is working with a therapist who are forced to use flash cards with images. She resents that Melissa last season showed the other ladies her texts about shutting down negative talk about Louie. Louie thinks Melissa’s actions show her insecurity. He has become more comfortable in front of the camera, and you can clearly see how he supports the division of the family. Louie is the Dirty John of Jersey and someone needs to check Tre’s wedding ring and make sure it’s real and not like a Cartier bracelet!
Teresa needs someone to show her love for her, and she thinks she should try. He now says he doesn’t want to fight with Marge. The grammatically challenged Teresa claims that she is raw- like a cucumber. OMG! He just says thank you and wants to invite Marge to his wedding. Louie is a good puppet master because I don’t even see the strings when THIS Teresa interacts with people.
We are currently taking photos for the mens calendar. Frank didn’t come because his bowels weren’t working from all the steroids and he needed a bowel cleanse. Now we can see the man posing. Joe B. clumsily taken on a motorcycle. I was watering the garden and I liked what I saw. Rachel’s husband John is a carpenter, and she is the model for Law and Order. Did he shoot the dead body scene on Law and Order?
Evan still looks good with his basketball shots. Joe is just like his evil twin who is going to BBQ grillmaster look greased up with Pam cooking spray. Louie does some yoga poses and there is nothing hot about the poses. Bill is going to be a sexy doctor and has even shaved his chest as Teresa did for that. He was a good sport. Paulie wants to be a sexy leprechaun?!?
Marge tells Melissa that Louie said she’s not safe. Melissa was clearly triggered by this true comment. Melissa could be an extra in Candiace’s RHOP video for her song insecure. Dolores introduces us to Paul and I can see why this is a move from David. Paul looked like he actually saw the clouds unlike David.
Dolores and Jennifer surround each other in taking calendars for men. Rachel tries to push Jennifer into being vulnerable and then runs into Dolores. He tells Dolores that Jennifer is crying. Dolores then pulls Jen aside and they rehash the tiff from last season. Jennifer is angry that Dolores doesn’t support her blindly. He thought that to be his friend he had to have blind loyalty. Jennifer stumbles on a bum leg and doesn’t want to be friends with someone who looks like an old leather purse… We then ask for-will-continue!
Next week, we’ll see a continuation of that silly disagreement. I think RHONJ has added too many newbies this season. Teresa is fully under Louie’s mind control and IMO there will be no resolution between the siblings.They are very similar. So too Blurbers and I’ll see you there in Miami!
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS EPISODE? DATA IN THE COMMENTS!