From the outside looking in, it may seem as though Nathalie Walton has a flourishing career; a supportive husband; and a beautiful family. But having everything is not always enough, especially when it comes to mental health.
“I have help and I have everything I need, but it’s still stressful because it feels like if something goes wrong, the whole system is broken,” says the CEO and cofounder of Expectful, a holistic health app recently acquired by Babylist.
“There were years ago when my son got sick and when that happens, your whole foundation is broken. Because you have to keep working and you don’t have a chance to recover,” Walton said. “It can affect your mental health.”
Walton is far from alone. Harris Polling data commissioned by CVS Health last year found that 42% of working mothers surveyed will be diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression by 2022, compared to 28% of the general population and 25% of their childless peers. In addition, working mothers were more likely to report that their mental health had worsened in the past year.
The growing mental health crisis is no surprise. According to a recent report from Calm, 50% of employees say that work stress affects their personal lives and relationships with family members and friends, as well as their relationships with themselves.
Of course, family mental health care tends to be more for women than for men. In the same Calm survey, women also said they “take less care of their own mental health after becoming caregivers, while men take better care of themselves.”
It’s a sentiment that Walton can certainly relate to. After being told she was at higher risk for premature labor at her 20-week prenatal appointment, her mental health began to decline. He credits regular meditation with helping him reduce stress and anxiety, and making it to full term.
“Being a new mom is a shock and depending on your situation, it can be even more of a shock,” she says. “You ask a lot and you ask yourself, ‘Is this normal?'”
But it will take more than a meditation app to help combat the mental health crisis for working mothers. For starters, Walton wants to see better paid leave policies for parents overall.
“I have 20 weeks of maternity leave, but I don’t think it’s enough,” she said. “For me, I think we need more, but a lot of women don’t get that kind of maternity leave. Some of your identity changes and you don’t have time to process it.
In addition to paid parental leave, Dr. Elizabeth Kagan Arleo, radiologist, mother of three and author First, Eat Frogs: And Other Pearls for Professional Working Momsencourage employers to offer more flexible work options to accommodate older people and those in need.
“The workplace wasn’t necessarily very friendly to working parents before the pandemic started, but having the flexibility to work from home could make a difference for some families,” he said. “Employers and managers should also think more about goals and criteria than focusing on where or when the work is done. Flexibility in both aspects can go a long way to reducing anxiety in the workplace, especially for working mothers.
And on the part of employees, Arleo recommends to apply and enforce boundaries. Every Friday, he activates an auto-reply to an email saying he’s off work until Monday morning.
“Using the answer out of the office helps me give permission to disconnect knowing that if it’s really urgent, someone will call me,” she said. “There is a time to work and there is a time to not work and focus on yourself and your family.”
Walton also encourages working mothers to build a support system, which includes therapists and business coaches, if necessary, to help determine what can be delegated and what can be eliminated altogether. He also stressed the importance of asking for and, if possible, hiring help.
“At this point in my career, I have a lot of successful mom friends and the way they’re successful is that they have a lot of help and I don’t think people talk about that,” she said. “I hope we do because we can have and do everything, but you have to be at a certain point where you can get help.”
Ultimately, it’s important for mothers to uphold the old adage of filling the cup before it’s spilled—along with systemic changes to corporate and federal laws that protect and entitle them to paid family or medical leave.
“On the plane, you have to put on your own oxygen mask first and then your child,” Cara McNulty, DPA, president of behavioral health and mental well-being at CVS Health, said in a press release about the report on the mental health of working mothers. Women actually do the opposite. They take care of their loved ones before putting themselves first.