Of all the unlikely cultural archetypes to emerge in 2023, zaddy is the most unlikely. Used to identify a charismatic older man who is fashionable and sexually attractive, the word first appeared around 2008 but was only popularized by singer-songwriter Ty Dolla $ign, who released a song called “Zaddy” in 2016. Most of the lyrics. not fit for publication, but “they keep callin’ me zaddy” is a popular refrain.
Unlike daddy (also popular as a slang term to define an old sexual partner), sugar daddy or, God forbid, a Dilf, zaddy is more aware of his charisma. They are more provocative. A flirt. Zaddies tend to be unshaven, familiar – although not married – some gym equipment, and in possession of a devastating smirk. He is old-fashioned, but likes fashion – people act paternalistic. CordIdris Elba is a badass. So Gary Lineker, and Crazy people actor Jon Hamm. Brad Pitt was supposed to be zaddy but somehow failed.
TikTok allows expression to flourish in a new era, which is best suited to Pedro Pascal, actor and star Our End. The 47-year-old mustache has exploded into the public consciousness as a protective appointed showing the little girl Ellie, who (naturally) holds the key to saving humanity. As someone who can shoot on target, keep watching while you sleep and look smoking hot in a leather jacket or a sparkly, silver lurex sweater, he is the poster boy for what zaddy is.
Pascal has leaned into the new status with surprising nonchalance. Not everyone will be comfortable with being reminded of their age. In my experience, telling a man old enough to be your father is not the best way to feel good about yourself. I remember one friend describing how a “quite young” colleague developed the habit of calling him “Dad” when they went to work events. They may think they are engaging in low-level banter. He avoided having to talk to her again.
What is even more surprising in this age of growth and emancipation is that we should be these retrograde archetypes. Shouldn’t we embrace a more modern, less traditional role model, instead of reaching for the oldest person in the book? Last week I went to see it Woolf Works, choreographer Wayne McGregor’s interpretation of three books by Virginia Woolf. Section dedicated to Orlando discover a troupe of dancers metamorphosing into silvery, asexual beings. Seeing them is a wonderful reminder of what Woolf is. Of course, in this age of fluid gender identities and attitudes, zaddy belongs to a few ages ago.
Or maybe, in a time of flux, that’s exactly what we want, and the rise of the tough masculine protector of the hero is the corollary of these complicated, non-compartmentalising times. As Freud would first tell us, the attraction to the father figure has long been one of our sinister lusts. It was probably born from self-preservation, as until relatively recently women often married off with men more than twice their age. Fiction is full of charismatic old dudes who are prepared to “rescue” women and give them a more fulfilling life. Mr. Rochester, with his “little girl” endearments and allusions to “the man who has but one little lamb who loves him as a daughter”, gives me total zaddy vibes. (Of course, Charlotte Brontë does not obey any rules: in a clever inversion of the hero complex, it is Jane Eyre who saves our people in the end.)
Besides, American culture is full of aristocratic, dumb hotties transporting teenage women across the continent. Our End Basically a rehash of True Grit or other Westerns where an epic voyage must be undertaken to avenge some ancient justice in the open plains.
Zaddy is a funny twist at least on the more toxic macho archetype. Like many signs of cultural dominance, they have gained popularity due to the enthusiasm of young women and gay men. And who doesn’t love them? She is comfortable on the dance floor, she dresses fashionably and knows how to laugh. In the end, however, they are just the latest manifestation of the need in western culture to reassure men that their attractiveness will not fade with age.
Unfortunately, women who are similar to zaddy are still rare: Sigourney Weaver plays the most epic of the adoptive mother aliens, but that was almost 40 years ago, and he was then in his mid-thirties. Meanwhile, the advice to “be my mom” on social media just doesn’t have the same appeal. Although it has been used to describe icons like Beyoncé and the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the term “mother,” even as a feminist epithet, suggests a more pressing emotional responsibility than badassery and power. Expected to be the ultimate form of flattery, it just doesn’t have a zaddy ring.
Jo’s email at jo.ellison@ft.com
Find our latest stories first – follow them @ftweekend on Twitter