The women from Real Housewives of Miami going to the Bahamas this week. The title of the episode is “Brujeria in the Bahamas,” so expect some evil eyes, and they better pack some healing crystals to ward off evil spirits.
Alexia would leave Frankie with someone named Tamara, and Todd would be there after work. He mentions that he can see his father, Pedro, aka Cocaine Cowboy. He prefers to call the confinement a “school” rather than a camp like his Jersey friend. Pedro has received five years for conspiracy and another five years on drug charges. Alexia thinks Pedro is a good influence for her boys, and I am officially speechless! Marysol claims to have COVID, so he won’t be with Bro-Alexia. He couldn’t believe that he was contracted because he was the man of the house, and he suspected that someone had asked him to.
One day before the trip, Julia wanted something to protect herself from Larsa, and she visited the botanica shop to get her some peace crystals. Adriana and Julia agree that they should choose a special crystal for Alexia because she loves to dig but not scrolling for dirt. We then get some foreboding clips between Alexia and Adriana. It looks like us RHOM Ladies will stir up evil spirits, and no crystal will be able to ward off evil energy!
They will travel to Nassau, Bahamas, with its turquoise waters. This beautiful island was devastated by Hurricane Dorian in 2019 and then Isaiah in August 2020. I’m happy to see the island recover from back-to-back hurricanes. He stayed at Baha Mar in the presidential suite.
Julia and Adriana that shows the suite (no surprise there), and the room looks beautiful. The room is even equipped with a cinema. Julia is arranging her crystal to pass out to everyone. He thought it was his curtain because it opened and closed on its own.
larsa and Kiki they room together, and I can’t help but think that Kiki is drawing the short straw. Can you imagine having to share a bathroom or just a mirror with Larsa? Nicole and Gerdy shared with Lisa, who got the bedroom upstairs. Adriana will be encouraged to jump in the tub, but she will not flash her boobies without dollars. Larsa will pay her to keep the milk shot for herself. Maybe someone will give Larsa the same thing. Alexia had her own room since Marysol was away. He showed the room to Marysol on FaceTime, and she suffered some FOMO.
The ladies have agreed that every time Lenny speaks, you have to drink. Lisa came, and he showed that the children were with their mother-in-law – with a nanny to help them. He wants to take his kids to Disney World and admits he’s a little kid. Lenny’s counter is about to die because Lisa can’t stop mentioning Lenny. Guerdy offers to help Lisa plan her birthday party. Lisa is very happy not to have to fight for a room. He saw something on the charcuterie board and thought it was penis-shaped. Nicole likes that she opens up to see D even though it looks like a micro penis. Lisa reflected that it was the same micro penis for 15 years.
Alexia, Nicole, Kiki, and Guerdy go down the water slide. Adriana, Larsa, Lisa, and Julia decided to relax in the sun and eat. Alexia calls them the Golden Girls because they don’t participate in water sports. Larsa, who certainly couldn’t tear herself away from the mirror or the phone, never heard of the show The Golden Girls? She believes they refer to her as the golden girls – because they are tan.
I like the juxtaposition of the two scenes with Adriana yawning and the other ladies taking to the water slides and the wave pool. Adriana tells Lisa that she can understand how he feels. She nails it when she says people look for shiny new toys and all the promises to the ex go out the window.
Ladies get ready to go out for dinner in great style. Nicole takes care of the game because she wants it to be fun and interesting – unlike Marysol, who likes to add a level of nastiness to her game. These ladies are really pampered at this resort with butlers and bartenders. I love the golden Flamingo stuffed with a Moscow mule. YES, PLEASE! Nicole cheers the new beginning and having fun together. I love the hospitality of the Bahamians, and if you’ve never been there, I highly recommend it.
Julia shared that she went to a botanica store, which is a Cuban spiritual place, and she got things for everyone. Alexia mentions that Marysol didn’t come because she thought someone cast a spell on her. Marysol thinks that if she hasn’t felt her mother’s presence and weight, she must have a hex. He did not attribute all the alcohol he had consumed. All the women asked for healing crystals, but Alexia didn’t want hers. Alexia feels creeped out and thinks all the bad luck in the month is from the person who put the evil eye on her. She didn’t think that marrying a drug dealer might have anything to do with…
The seafood tower with all the sparklers came, and the presentation was amazing. The ladies decided to play a fun, light card game. One of the questions was, “Who is the most embarrassed about their porn browsing history?” Adriana is about to call, but she thinks she’s pretty tame because she likes her mom and dad – and some DP (double penetration). Will someone please tell Julia what DP means! He asked at his ITM, and he heard crickets. Nicole tried to explain in her ITM – but she recommends you don’t Google at work.
Adriana imitates Julia and believes that she is the Russian version of Julia Child. Sex injuries are the next topic, and Nicole shows how she threw her neck when she gave Anthony a blow. Adriana will be asked about the men, and she tells him that Thierry is MIA. He is no more since his marital status was questioned. Adriana never got a D because she missed the four month rule before hitting the road.
Alexia, Nicole, Guerdy, and Kiki do flamingo yoga, which looks like fun, but I’d be careful not to let them smoke on the yoga mat. Julia asks Larsa if Alexia suspects she’s working magic on Marysol. Alexia believed he had the evil eye on her for a while. He had no bad intentions – but somehow the evil eye had followed him.
Golden Girls at the spa get a massage. Lisa points out that Logan is struggling with a divorce. He now says he will never get married or go to summer camp. The babysitter threw on some Bob Marley music and played, “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be OK,” and helped Logan calm down. Larsa was massaging while lying on her side. Is the therapist trying to work out the lumps in her a*s? Larsa, who heard the talk about Alexia, continued to think the truth. In ITM she said that Adriana likes to play the victim, and Alexia is a good friend to everyone.
Julia pulls Guerdy aside to share the news that she and Martina are trying to adopt a baby. Guerdy and Julia have both lost babies, so they feel like brothers. Adriana tells Alexia that she is angry that she called him a liar. They have a lot of history, and Alexia was a bridesmaid at their wedding. Adriana feels that Alexia and Marysol have ostracized her from her friend group. He has become closer to Julia since she was kicked out. Alexia thinks that Julia has put a wedge between them. Adriana has concluded that Alexia and Marysol egg each other on, to her detriment.
Marysol came – I almost felt Jill Zarin vibes when she showed up and Ramona and Bethenny were totally ignored. He came with a bullhorn and announced that he was ready to party. Adriana looks disappointed as she realizes that Alexia and Marysol are together causing problems for her. He said, “Here we go again!” We then ask for-will-continue.
Next week, it looks like tensions will flare, and Adriana and Alexia’s truce will be thrown out like wildfire. I hope you Blurbers are having a great week, and enjoy the upcoming Super Bowl weekend.
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE LATEST RHOM EPISODE?