Want to fall asleep only to remember a tense conversation with your boss or an erratic text your partner sent? If all you want to do is hit the hay after a long day, it can be frustrating when your mind disagrees and makes you stay.
“I can’t kill my brain,” is a common sentiment shared by Dr. Wendy Troxel, sleep scientist at the RAND Corporation and author Show Cover: Every Couple’s Guide to Better Sleep, he said. People often replay memories, thoughts, and worries over and over again, he says, triggering a stress response that keeps the brain going.
“Ruminating thoughts send a signal to the brain that there is more information to process and that there may be a potential threat in the environment that stimulates the awakening response including the release of stress hormones,” Troxel said.
But thankfully, there are ways to reduce rumination with practice. We need time to process our thoughts from the day and slow down.
“People just don’t give their brains a chance to settle down and relax before going to bed,” Troxel said. “But he walks in the day and then runs to bed, wanting to sleep happens like a light switch is turned off.”
Here are some tips on how to sleep even when you’re stressed:
Create a wind routine
You may have heard of experts doing a nighttime wind-down routine, which allows your brain and body to prepare for rest.
Everyone’s routine looks different. Start by setting aside a good 30 minutes before bed to get rid of screens and electronics—anything that reminds you of the day’s stress. Consider reading a book, taking a bath, or practicing mindfulness during this time. Notice how you feel during this activity and choose whatever brings you peace.
“What most people don’t realize is that the light from your phone, the volume of the TV while watching a murder documentary, or the spike in blood sugar from your food are all forms of overstimulation that keep our nervous system set to the ‘on.’ position,” says Darlene Marshall, health coach who is certified by the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) and a positive psychology expert.
Notice your thoughts and how sleepy you are
If you’ve had a stressful day, you usually don’t fall asleep right away. Putting that extra pressure on them to shut down right away will only make it harder to fall asleep, Troxel said. Instead, consider delaying sleep or extending your wind routine.
“This will allow the natural sleep drive to increase, which can lead to deeper, faster, and more consolidated sleep,” he said.
Give yourself time to worry
It may be easier said than done, but the exercise schedule comes out sad, as strange as it sounds.
Give yourself a certain amount of time to worry, and set a timer to remind you that you’ve gone through the motions but don’t need to worry anymore. Troxel recommends setting a 15-minute window a few hours before bed and writing down everything that worries you on a piece of paper.
“When time is up, close the book literally and figuratively on worry and practice this every night for a few weeks,” says Troxel. “Over time, this exercise has been shown to reduce the habit of ruminating in bed and disrupting sleep.”
Breathe and be mindful
Practicing slow breathing, before bed and during the day, can calm the parasympathetic nervous system and reduce the body’s stress response. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 4 seconds.
Try to scan your body before going to bed. Slowly focus your attention on one body part at a time, moving your focus from head to toe, feeling the different sensations in your body as your heart rate slows and you become more present.
Practice gratitude before bed
The way you talk to yourself can affect your ability to unwind and sleep. If you are hard on yourself for having a rough day and overthinking every move, it is not surprising that closing your eyes will not stop the wheels spinning in your brain. However, practicing gratitude can reduce your stress response and lower your heart rate, says Dr. Shiv Rao, a cardiologist in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and CEO of Abridge. Whether you say it in your head or write it down, practicing gratitude can help change the narrative of what you perceive as a bad day.
“It is understood that if we are stressed we will be slow to fall asleep,” Marshall said. “The story you tell at the time will affect what happens next.”
Practice reducing stress during the day
The key to sleep is managing stress throughout the day. Take a break during the work day when you feel the glossy eyes on the screen. Get some fresh air outside. Prioritize relationships that give you energy. Practice your own passion.
So, if you feel overstimulated before going to sleep, take a deep breath, slow down, and don’t be too hard.
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