When you’re single, and there’s nothing you want more than a romantic relationship to fulfill, you’ll love the wave of the magic wand and of course, you meet your partner.
It’s only natural that you have a more serious past relationship under your belt before settling down. This is generally a good thing, because you can learn more about what you do and don’t like in other people. It gives us a chance to test the dating waters before settling on one person to spend the rest of our days with.
However, there are some negatives. It might kill you to imagine the hard and cold reality that the love of your life used to be in love with someone else. While we certainly don’t recommend that you replay romance scenes over and over in your head, it’s okay to broach the subject now and then with your partner.
The more you know about your past romantic affairs isn’t always the better, but there are a few things you should know. Here are some things to know:
Did they split amicably or was there a messy breakup? This may be important to you if your relationship is over. If cheating has something to do with whether they split, and it’s the partner’s fault, you need to know.
One episode of breach of trust can be corrected and changed, but a history of multiple episodes of fraud is a sign of a bigger problem.
- How they handle conflict
Whether you’re just starting to get serious with your partner or have been dating for years, you probably have an idea of how they deal with conflict. Some people like to deal with the problem, while others tend to be more passive. How your partner solved communication problems and arguments with his past romantic partners can be a looking glass into how he will handle you. You should know from past relationships that have willing participants in open communication without defensive posture. You want to know that your partner has self-examination skills and the capacity to take responsibility and will not blame you for problems that arise.
- Does your partner have regrets
Is the partner completely over or is he an ex? While you probably don’t want to ask this question flat-out, it doesn’t hurt to do some investigative digging. You deserve to know how the relationship fizzled out. By learning this from your partner, you can understand how they feel about the ending. Does he have any regrets? This gives you a sense of how much self-reflection your partner does and how much responsibility they are willing to take when you have relationship problems.
- If he ever had an STD
If your partner is sexually active with an ex, you should ask if he or she contracted an STD during a past relationship. While some, such as chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis are treatable, others such as herpes, hepatitis B, HIV and HPV are incurable, meaning they will stay with you for life. Both of you have the right to know what kind of health you have and if there is anything that you should pay attention to with your past partner.