Thema Bryant’s list of professional accomplishments is undeniable.
In 2023 he became the president of the American Psychological Association. Bryant is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University where he directs the Culture and Trauma Research Laboratory.
Previously, she was a coordinator at Princeton University’s SHARE program that offers programs and support to combat sexual assault and sexual harassment.
And before that he received his doctorate in clinical psychology at Duke University and did his postdoctoral training at Harvard Medical Center.
Her professional achievements are not the only things that make her happy.
She also likes to dance. He listens to and writes oral poetry. And at least every other week he makes time for a phone call with his best friend of 30 years who lives across the country from him.
“It’s time to let go of the false dichotomy, or the false choice, that we believe that in order to be successful, I have to leave myself alone,” he said.
CNBC Make It talked to Bryant about the importance of balancing productivity, mental health, maintaining close friendships — and how.
The interview has been edited for clarity and brevity.
‘Productivity is not necessarily a sign of fulfillment or emotional well-being’
Aditi Shrikant, CNBC Make It: What is a common misconception people have about maintaining mental health?
Brian: A common misconception is that people think “if I try not to think about it I will get over it.” Oppression is not possible. It can be in the short run, which is why people choose and say “I passed and I do not want to talk about it.” But when we have challenging life experiences and we avoid them, they will appear in other ways.
It can appear and affect our sleep. It can be seen in our parenting. Avoidance is not the same as cure.
The second mistake is that “busy” or “productive” is the same as “sane” or “well-being” or “whole.” A lot of people get lied to because they don’t like depression and can’t get out of bed, which is how it seems to some people.
But for others, he can throw himself into his work. They can be workaholics or perfectionists. He feels he has something to prove but doesn’t feel like it’s enough.
Your business or productivity is not necessarily a sign of your health or emotional well-being.
‘You want to be intentional. I wish you long life in success’
Shrikant: At the same time, it is important to be productive in your work. How do you balance work accomplishments with maintaining your mental health?
Brian: Think about your own longevity and sustainability. Sometimes we become driven to collect more, or get a promotion that ignores us in the future.
It’s a setup for burnout. It is a setup for our own failure. Sometimes we end up physically or emotionally unable to keep up the pace.
You want to be intentional and not just want a temporary success where you want to pull this all-nighter to turn in an amazing report tomorrow. You want longevity in success.
Sometimes we become driven to collect more, or get a promotion that ignores us in the future.
Think: “How can I make the pace I can maintain and not miss a life where I have given everything away, time, energy, my focus, where I have neglected health or relationships.”
I want a name that for some people this is not the pursuit of luxury. For some people trying to pay rent while in survival mode.
Even for those who are stretched thin, you depend on you and you have a family depending on you and when we open ourselves to a hole, it just doesn’t work in the long run. It is important to find a small way or a short way to create a treatment ritual.
Shrikant: What is an example of a short ritual that anyone can do?
Brian: It can be as simple as when you wake up in the morning. Try to get up before you have to.
If I set my alarm for the time I have to jump out of bed, I’ve started my day anxious. Give yourself a few minutes in the morning and decide what your morning ritual will be.
It could be a podcast. Maybe this is me getting up and taking a long shower. What feeds you?
Another thing that is often overlooked is community concern.
Having healthy friendships and healthy relationships and healthy relationships in the family or even with colleagues, is what helps us and reminds us that we are still alive, that we are not just robots or objects or workers.
That can breathe life into our lives and love and compassion into our lives.
‘When it comes to friendship, you can think of quality over quantity’
Shrikant: Friendships are often relationships that fall by the wayside when people start having children or have to care for aging parents. How do you show friendship when you are really busy?
Bryant: For very busy people or people with a lot of responsibilities, when it comes to friendship, you can think about quality rather than quantity.
I can go through a phase in my life where I can talk to you on the phone for hours while watching TV. We may not be able to get together very often, but when we do connect it is authentic, mutual, transparent.
It is very healing, to feel known by people and accepted and cared for, for whom it is. So much of your life you have to do or fit into different roles. It exhales.
It is a gift to our nervous system when we are with someone we can feel at home with.
I would also say communicate with people what your time limit is. I think sometimes we make assumptions or don’t communicate. That’s when friendships can fail because people think you’re done with them or that you don’t care. But you really do care.
Best friends across the country. He lives in Philadelphia and I live in Los Angeles. It’s not like every week we go somewhere, but if we say it is very nutritious.
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